Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Mets building actual MASH facility at Citi Field [Funny]

This was left as a comment on NJ.com.  I thought it was too good to pass up.

New York (AP) - The New York Mets will construct a full service hospital at Citi Field to treat injured players. The facility will include an operating room, full-body MRI and 6 bed convalescent center.

The facility will be named Hopsital For Special Surgery Annex at Citi Field, and is expected to be completed in time for the start of the regular season opener in April.

The announcement was made at a joint news conference with Mets general manager Omar Minaya, and Louis A. Shapiro, president and CEO of the Hospital for Special Surgery.

The Annex, as the medical facility will be known, is intended to reduce Mets medical costs and improve medical care for the often-injured Mets players.

"Having a hospital right at the ball park, we feel very comfortable now to go after even more injury-prone players," said Mets general manager Omar Minaya, "Carlos Delgado is at the top of our list."

"We actually approached the Mets with this suggestion," said Dr. Shapiro "because with so many Met players already injured, and with more expected during the 2010 season without a doubt, it just made sense to do this."

"Just the savings in ambulance fare into Manhatten alone makes it worth it," chimed in Minaya.

"And we can keep the players at the ball park 24/7 which virtually eliminates them going for second and third opinions," added Shapiro.

In order to maximize return on investment, the Annex will be open to fans in need of medical treatment for sports injuries, as space permits.

"It will be like fantasy camp, where fans can have the same operations as the players, by the same doctors," said Minaya. "Season ticket holders will get first crack."

"For example, you can have the Santana Shoulder Surgery, or the Reyes Hamstring Ligament Reattachment, or whatever you want."

"Anything that can extract more money out our fan base is a good thing," quipped team owner Fred Wilpon to reporters.

Carlos Beltran was reached by phone in Denver, where he is recuperating from knee surgery performed by his personal physician Dr. Richard Steadman.

Beltran was asked whether he planned to be a patient at The Annex.

"No way," replied the Mets star center fielder. "I'd rather be traded to Pittsburgh."

Well done, sec309.  Well done, indeed.

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